


Light and Dark

by Quadrantje



Series: That Child of Yours [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Dark, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kathryn Janeway Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quadrantje/pseuds/Quadrantje
Summary: I highly recommend reading the first two stories of this series first.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: That Child of Yours [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533989
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45
Collections: Kathryn Janeway Needs A Hug





	Light and Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend reading the first two stories of this series first.

The girl is beautiful. Kathryn watches as she runs through the verdant fields, roaring with glee. “Momma, momma, come catch me!’ the girl cries. Kathryn laughs at her exuberance, the child’s joy the most infectious feeling she’s ever experienced, before joining in. She chases the girl across the grass, purposefully staying one step behind her or leaving the child an avenue of escape so the game continues. Suddenly, just as she’s closing in again, the girl changes direction so she’s running right at her and throws herself into Kathryn’s arms. Kathryn catches her and hugs her tight, stroking the girl’s raven locks as the tiny arms wrap around her neck. ‘Oh my bright girl,’ she murmurs into the girl’s hair, savouring the feeling of the small frame cuddling close. After a few more moments she releases the girl from the tight embrace, though without setting her down, and just gazes at her face. She has dark eyes and hair, but her skin is fair. The girl is beaming brightly, but Kathryn knows that if she grins, she’ll see her own lopsided smile reflected back. She positions the girl more securely against herself with her right arm, so she can bring her left hand to the girl’s face and affectionately scuff her dimpled cheek. ‘Are you enjoying yourself my dear?’ The girl nods wildly. ‘Then we’ll just have to continue, don’t we!’ The last two words are almost caught by the wind as Kathryn twirls the two of them around. A warm, masculine laugh sounds –

\- and Kathryn wakes with the name Wóape on her lips. She stares unseeingly at the grey ceiling of her Voyager quarters as the joy she felt a moment ago turns to ice in her veins. Another dream of the daughter she can’t have, of the girl she’s keeping frozen in time by her own orders. How old was she in the dream, running through the fields of Indiana? Three? Four? Kathryn has no idea. The only child she’s spend any prolonged amount of time with is Naomi and her half-Ktarian heritage makes her development so much faster than her own child’s would be. Will she ever have a chance to be born? To grow up? Night after night she has these dreams. Of holding her baby in her arms. Of seeing her as a toddler, an adolescent or a young adult. Always happy and pretty and clever. For dreams filled with such joy, they bring a stunning darkness that matches the sight out her viewscreens. As long as they have been in this void, her nights have been as light as her days have been dark. Kathryn doesn't know how much longer she can weather the strange dichotomy her life has become. She’s even gone to the Doctor for a sleeping aid, but his medication only caused her to lie awake all night and relive the dreams from the nights before in her mind’s eye.

So now she just tries to cope as best she can, which isn’t well at all. The continuous shift between bliss and heartache leaves her exhausted. She hasn’t had the courage to venture outside her quarters in days – or is it weeks? – and sometimes she barely makes it out of bed. This morning it is particularly hard to make it to the sonic shower and it is mid-morning before she once again finds herself staring out her window, into nothing.

Her thoughts drift aimlessly until they are called back by the chime of her door. Kathryn already knows who is on the other side of it, the only person to visit. Aside from Tuvok, but he’s already been by yesterday. Or was it the day before that? The days blend into each other with only her thoughts for company. The chime sounds again and she sighs. ‘Come in,’ she says. The door swoosh open and she hears the silent thread of her first officer as he takes a few steps into the semi-darkness. She doesn’t turn to him, unable to look at him and see the same warm dark eyes she’s seen only a few hours before in a different face.

‘Good day, Captain,’ he says. A long beat of silence follows wherein he wonders if she will even answer today.

‘What’s ship’s status?’ She barely listens as he lists the changes in the ship since yesterday. B’Elanna has another idea to boost the engines slightly, or to better conserve their energy, or to run the holodecks more efficiently. Neelix is planning another party, though what they have to celebrate Kathryn doesn’t know. It is always the same. Nothing changes while they are in this void. One day running into another.

Chakotay falls silent. Kathryn waits to hear if he has more to say, but it appears he doesn’t. ‘Dismissed,’ she says and hears him turn around. Today, he leaves without comment. As the door shut behind him, she can still hear his warm laughter from her dreams. Haunting her, together with their unborn daughter.

**_End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> BlackVelvet42's delicious hugfic Into the Light gave me the setting for this story. My own longing to have a child did the rest. I found out I was pregnant a few days later :D


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